I want to make a basic point about Spiritual Development. But first I need to file two disclaimers.

First disclaimer: Spiritual Development isn’t an exact science. It is where the astonishing diversity of humankind comes into contact with the infinite diversity of God. There is no one single path. There is your path — maybe even your several paths — and there is my path. One path works for you today, but another opens for you tomorrow.

Second disclaimer: there’s no way to force it. You can’t take out a book, buy an audio or video course, find the perfect retreat, learn a method, or identify an expert spiritual director and then expect to have guaranteed or predictable results. Spiritual formation defies control of any sort, even well-meaning control.

That said, here is the point I want to make: Spiritual Development is about listening, not talking.

The job of the spiritual director, for example, is to listen, not to instruct. A clergyperson or lay person who wants to offer spiritual direction should be prepared to do a ton of listening — which is much harder work than talking. You have to leave room for your directee to flounder, probe, discover, lose their way, have shallow “Aha” moments, then go deeper.

The job of the small formation group is to give each group member room to talk. That means 90% or more of your group time will be spent listening to other group members. Compulsive talkers need to be silenced. So do those who get flustered by others’ self-disclosure and try to talk over it.

Don’t expect Sunday worship to accomplish much in spiritual formation. It’s passive, a forced form of listening. Same with a Bible class. Attendees might grow in their knowledge of Scripture, but hearing a teacher teach doesn’t give them room to explore. Memorizing a Bible verse is a long way from entering into that Bible verse.

Look at how much listening goes on in prayer. You hear yourself talking to God, and you gain some understanding of what you care about or are trying to hide. You hear others talking to God and realize they sound nothing like you. You listen for God’s response, and the silence is deafening. You hear yourself grappling with words that you don’t understand and images that trouble you. You push beyond the comfortable and, at times, find yourself talking in a language you don’t understand.

All this, and more. And even then you will be hiding from God, trying to make God safe and small, freezing out a God who threatens you. But you keep coming back. You keep seeking the one you feel determined not to find. It’s confusing.

Much of spiritual development happens when you listen to your own confusion. Not when a guide talks you through it, but when you drown in that confusion and then learn how to swim.

In the healthy faith community, many people are drowning and swimming at the same time. They are listening to others and to their own confusing voices. They are trying to do something very difficult. They catch a glimpse, lose it, catch another. If a church seeks to make transformation of life its business — transformation of our own lives and of the world around us — then it will be marked by these phenomena: listening, getting confused, swimming for shore, striking out again, doing the hard work of seeking God.

The lazy church won’t be doing this work. That’s why it will stay shallow, treat people poorly, and ultimately close its doors.
 

About the Author

Tom Ehrich is a writer, church consultant and Episcopal priest based in New York. He is the publisher of Fresh Day online magazine, author of On a Journey and two national newspaper columns. His website is Church Wellness – Morning Walk Media